扯蛋

A problem has haunted me for nearly one week. In fact, it is only about a simple, homely matter. At least, I have met it almost every day since when I was one and half years old. But it had never come to my mind until I visited a neighbor store last Sunday.

As househusband starting from last September, I often went shopping family necessities there, for example, eggs. In the past five months, I had been buying a certain brand of eggs, DE QING YUAN, with red cover and red yolk. But on that day, I happened to notice a new brand, GE GE DA, with white cover. In my memory, there were white eggs, too. So I took some white eggs back to have a taste.

But my epicurean desire fell into doubt and fear when I beat an egg into bowl. The yolk was not red; it was yellow. How was it possible that yolk was yellow? Whether would it harm our health if we ate the white eggs? I was too worried to use the beaten egg in my dinner that day.

Thanks to my educational background, I found out a solution three days later. I turned to look up “yolk” in dictionaries available at home – Webster, Macmillan, Oxford, Longman, and Contemporary Chinese dictionary. All the reference books define “yolk” as “yellow part of an egg.” Feeling relieved, we ate all the white eggs, but I was still not sure that we ate the right eggs: their yolk was too atypical to be accepted in modern days.

我爱《海峡两岸》

Like many others, I used to think news programs on CCTV-4, the world-oriented Chinese propaganda channel, merely as tedious and obscurant political tools. But since I happened to watch some episodes of Across the Taiwan Strait, I have come to love this state-run talk show that circuitously transmits the idea and value of democracy, as showed in the following two dialogues (with vivid images but unavailable here):

Beijinger Hostess Li Feng: It’s time to answer questions from viewers…Mr. Zhang, a warm-hearted viewer from Haidian, Beijing, called to ask, “the Kuomintang held a mass demonstration on March 12, the DPP is holding a second one on March 18, and the PFP will hold a third one on March 19, then why are there so many demonstrations now?”

Taiwanese Commenter Zhao Shaokang: Demonstrations are very normal in Taiwan… (March 18)

Taiwaness Guest Xie Qida: The Ministry of Education of Taiwan intended to cut down classes and time of Chinese program…The teachers could not sit by and watch. Although the dullest, most obedient group were always buried in teaching and staying away from social movements, they stood out and set up the Alliance of Saving Chinese Movement now, holding rallies and making speeches everywhere. By arguing and protesting, they told the Ministry of Education to stop it. (March 17)

花儿为什么不低头

To their indignation, many people cannot understand why Chinese pop band Flower insisted on denying their plagiarism. Some assumed that even God’s grandma would have forgiven the young musicians upon their admission. Actually, the band had intended to make public confession until they consulted with some experts.

At first they met George Bush.

“Is it a good idea for one to admit his mistakes?”

“That’s a liberal question, Flower boys.” Bush replied, “Sure we did not find any MDW in Iraq, but we are right to throw Saddam down, aren’t we?”

Then came Comrade China.

“Is it a good idea for one to admit his mistakes?”

“That’s a sensitive question, Flower boys.” China asserted, “Sure we did not release enough information about SARS, etc., but we are right to keep situation stable, aren’t we?”

Finally they visited Bill Clinton.

“Is it a good idea for one to admit his mistakes?”

“That’s a foolish question, Flower boys,” Clinton sighed, “Sure I did confess and survive the impeachment, but I am wronged to be only remembered as an adulterous president in history, aren’t I?”

李宇春 PK 我的腐败老婆

It was Li Yuchun’s birthday on March 10. As a modest super girl and low-keyed Forbes celebrity, the 22-year-old only accepted an 11-layer birthday cake, but kindly offered a 2-song album at 48 yuan (for 84310 copies), and an 8-stamp series at a cheaper price of 36 yuan (for N series), among others. On learning the news, I chocked back my tears with this innocent girl in this corrupt world, against my little niece for whose one piece of kindergarten rhythm I had to pay 100 yuan as Spring Festival gift.

My wife nudged me again and again when I was admiring the getting-less-than-giving angel online.

“What’s the date today?” she asked.

“It’s March 10,” I answered impatiently, “Li Yuchun’s birthday.”

“But it’s also my birthday,” she hinted blatantly.

Doah, it was my wife’s birthday, too. So I had to get up, go out, and buy back nearly 50 yuan of foods. When we were enjoying the dinner, I said to myself, “I do have a corrupt wife.”

Unlike the innocent super girl, my wife is widely thought getting-more-than-giving, for she is a teacher. Ever since who-knows-when, teachers have been regarded as a corrupt group in newspaper features, magazine columns, TV programs, Internet articles, and even ordinary chats. So was my wife when she got a celebration call from one friend after dinner.

“Happy Birthday!” the friend cried cheerfully.

“Thank you,” my wife replied, “and how are you doing?”

“I am too busy to live. I really envy your teachers. Nice salary, few classes, little pressure, and long vacations…” her friend, a senior accountant with a big accounting firm, kept up charging how corrupt teachers were.

Actually, my wife often heard such charges in guise of compliment. At first, she tried to explain it was not the case in vain. Later, she just bitterly rebutted in her mind:

“Nice salary? About three thousand yuan in Beijing, as much as my students’ wages in companies.(more accurate than government officers' payrolls.)

Few classes? Eight classes every week, plus lesson preparation, paper correction, thesis supervision, class management, and almost impossibly, essay publication on few first-class academic periodicals.

Little pressure? Warns and even unemployment upon any failure in college appraisal, student mark, and essay publication, besides house mortgage.

Long vacations? About two and half months of summer and winter holidays, for trying to read books and write papers at monthly salary of less than two thousand yuan.

What a poor corrupt teacher I am!”

我和单位不得不说的故事

The Chinese word ‘danwei’ means ‘unit,’ as in a unit of currency or measurement, or as in ‘work unit’ – the old term for a state-owned company that was supposed to provide cradle-to-grave employment, housing or medical treatment.

- from www.danwei.org

Last week I returned to Linfen to divorce my unit, SXTU. For nine years I had written applications of divorce or sought assistance from mediators, but failed to get official approval, again and again. How about this time? I was not sure when I left Beijing.

After marrying my unit as teacher at monthly salary of 303 yuan for two years, I passed the entrance examination to postgraduate school in mid 1997, and applied to President H for divorce. But President H, who had recently returned from his unit-sponsored Ph.D. program in USA, rejected my application, citing the SXTU standard form contract of marriage that teachers should not be allowed for pursuing advanced education unless they would serve the unit for six full academic years. “To go studying under new contract or to wait here for another four years,” he suggested. Painfully, I deposited 5,000 yuan as guarantee of returning to my unit, and renewed our contract of marriage for another six full academic years. As a result, every month in my postgraduate program, I did not live on the 350-yuan fellowship from Ministry of Education, but the 298-yuan wage from my unit.

With completion of my postgraduate program in early 2000, I submitted to my unit application of divorce again, explaining how importantly I lived together with my wife in Beijing and how sincerely I wanted to pay the contracted alimony, or compensation in official terminology, of 20,000 yuan. “You are a bad man.” Dean G, who had just returned as unit-financed visiting scholar to Australia, reprimanded me, on learning my intention to divorce, “How could you be worthy of the unit’s education? Your application will not be considered until you serve the unit for another six full academic years.”

I thought I would not be able to wait for another six years, so I did not follow his words. I chose to run away from my unit. At that time, a Chinese unit was supposed not only to “provide cradle-to-grave employment, housing or medical treatment,” but also to control dang’an (HR record) and hukou (residence registration). Without my HR record or residence registration, I was regarded as vagrant like Sun Zhigang, and deprived any chance to do teaching, my favorite career, forever. Thanks to my English skills, I made a living as translator and editor in Beijing, without any social securities. (Sure I increasingly love my new job.)

In the following years, I had tried to seek helps from mediators, from inside or outside SXTU, to divorce my unit, but never done it. In late 2000 Dean G left the unit for another one in Beijing, and in mid 2005 President H was promoted to chairman of another one in Taiyuan, the capital of Shanxi. When I was also gradually inured to kiting in Beijing with end of a long, long string in Linfen, my unit, at the beginning of this new academic semester, suddenly ordered me to immediately handle procedures of divorce or to be dismissed.

Last week I returned to Linfen to divorce my unit, SXTU. At the Office of President, a secretary was busy in affixing approval seals for those who returned to divorce the unit. There must be hundreds of workers like me who ran away from my unit in the past decade. “I am doing nothing but this all day,” she sighed, “the old system is very ineffective.”

At the HR Department, a young officer was calling escapees to return to divorce, one by one. When he paused to have a drink, he explained why SXTU was practicing new policy on marriage: for one thing, the unit was changing from planned system into market system, for which it would not ensure new workers’ employment, housing or medical treatment, and accordingly would transfer their HR records to talent market and residence registrations to police station, although they would still need the unit’s approval for advanced education, visit abroad, etc. For another, the unit did not lack Master or Doctoral degree lovers any more, because supply exceeded demand in the employment market.